LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



STATE STEAL 





WHEN i WAS A LAD; 

— OR— 

THE SECOND JACKSON, M. 1). 



TOPSHAM, ,J>Nu. , 



f^S.SS^ 



THE STATE STEAL. 



Satan smiled, then laughed outright. 



In the Capitol of our quiet little State 
Sat a motley crew, composed of eight, 
Who, guided by the devil's wicked suggestion, 
Were robbing the people of an honest election. 

There was Garcelon, Foster, Chase and Brown, 
Witli Monroe, and Fogg, the long-haired clown, 
.Vnd Parker, and Moody, so independent. 
And the devil as general superintendent. 

And Satan, as he beheld this novel sight, 
First smiled, then laughed outright. 

These are my aids, I know them well. 
With such as these I people hell. 
My only fear is that when I take them home 
They'll coiiiit me out and steal my throne. 

Said Garcelon, the laws must be maintained. 
Though our construction be somewhat sliuincd. 
Here the Devil gave his elbow a jog. 
And said, now listen to my servant, Fogg. 

And Satan drew his cord around them tight. 
.\nd on them smiled, and laughed outright. 

Said Fogg, my friends, behold atid see 
How neatly I've made a li of this P; . 
"Twill not be detected by the cutest of men. 
For oiu" master, the Devil, guided the pen. 



THE STATE STEAL. 



Said Foster, I'll beat that as sleek as a hee : 

Here goes for making a B out of C : 

I don't know luit its foigery thus to dissemble. 

Down, down, guilty conscience, you make my liand tn-mlijc- 

Said Monroe, it is easy to change P to B. 
Also to make a G of a C; 
Xow look at my job. and ybu each will say 
That I've lieat you both, tlieie's H changed to A. 

The Devil looking ou, with countenance bright. 
Said bravo, and smiled, then laughed outright. 

Said Brown, there's an error in this one I see. 
The town clerk has neglected to cross that t : 
Said Foster, (heaving a long drawn sigh.) 
I perceive in this one there's no dot over I. 

Said Fogg, with such assist<«nce, as sure us fate. 
We shall succeed in stealing the State. 
We'll count out city, plantation and town, 
And count in fusion, said Foster and Brown. 

That's right, go on, I'll assist you to-night: 
Then Satan smiled, then laughed outright. 

Said Chase, here's a town in ways that are dark. 
Has used ballots that bore a distinguishing mark : 
Then Monroe broke in with, it's plain to my mind 
That this one's in the same handwriting signed. 

Said Moody, here's a return with a serious fiaw. 
The word scattering 's used, contrary to law. 
And Parker enquired, for he wanted to know 
If 'twas constitutional to write d-o, d-o. 

You are all mine, said Satan, 'tis a beautiful sight: 
Satan then smiled, then laughed outright. 

And now, said Satan, as it's getting quite dark, 
I'll put upon each of you my distinguishing mark. 
So that in future all men may know 
To whom you belong, and where finally you'll go. 



THE STATE STEAL. 



A siilpluinms smell pervaded the place, 
Which was very suggestive to Monroe and Chase; 
For Satan at the table had now become seated. 
And bossed the job till the steal was completed. 

He said, in honesty I take great delight I 

At which saying he smiled, then laughed outright. 

.Suddenly the Council Chamber became darker. 
Which somewhat frightened Councillor Parker: 
Seeing which the Devil said, don't be afraid, 
For each and ail of you have stolen my trade. 

(to (III as you'r going, and you'll win the tight; 
.Satan then smiled, then laughed outright. 

Xow uiy good friends, I'll bid you good bj'e, 
I'll be ready to welcome you home when you die. 
You're doing my woik so faithfully and well. 
I'll assign you a place in the lowest hell. 

And the last that was heard was a scream of delight. 
As Satan through the window took his flight. 
Leaving behind him the precious eight. 
Who with his help had stolen the State. 

His Satanic Majesty — not to be fooled — 
Hastened to Thomaston to see his friend Gould, 
To .suggest that in order to hold the fort. 
.Some questions be framed for the Supreme Court. 

.Said the Devil to Gould, you're a man of brains, 
With tlie blood of the southron coursing your veiii> : 
I don't wish to flatter, but then you know well 
That there's truth in the saying "blood will tell." 

And as you've consented to be the fusionist's law\ci. 

1 wish you to say to my servant Sawyer, 

K lie'd put the tinishing touch to the steal, 

He must twine his fingers around tlie State seal. 

For on solemn occasions these Judges, you know. 
When callfill to decide aie apt to move slow; 
They have sucli crude nwiicHis of wrong and right 
That they may not .see tilings as we do to-niglit. 



THE STATE STEAL. 



With the seal lu our haiids, the old Ship of State 

Will be like a ship without captain or mate. 

Said Gould, I'll see Sawyer as soon as may be, 

And, thanks, Mr. Devil, for the compliment you've paid ni< 

(^uite welcome, said Satan. I bid you nood night. 
And then Satan smiled, then laughed outright. 

The (juestions were sent to the Judges seven. 
Who being guided by the angels of heaven. 
(.Jave an opinion so true and so just. 
That it ground the fusion i)arty to dust. 

And banished the thieves from decent society. 
Whom the Devil now holds by right of priojity: 
And as in liis kingdom he sits on his throne. 
He longs for the day to welcome them home. 

And in thinking ovei' the events of that night. 
He's not quite svu-e he's done just right, 
For perhaps 'twould have been a tiling more meet 
To have cast liis crown at the Council's feet. 

In relating this story to his coui't that night, 
Satan first smiled, then laughed outright. 



Pillsbuiiy's Soliloquy. 



As Piilsbury sat in his sunctuni one night, 
His hair dishevelleil, and looking Uke a fright. 
With haggard look and bloodshot eyes, 
He with himself did thus solihxjuize. 

I've tried to cater to the denun-ratio taste, 

And have contrived a good deal of ink to waste; 

Still they point at me the finger of mirth, 

And term the Standard the diitiest sheet on earth. 

1 thought that my I'eaders were fond of such bJaiiK 
As i)leased the followei's of sand lut.s Kearney, 
Hut I find that in Maine such talk don't take, 
And 1 freely acknowledge that I've made a mistake 

The moral standaid of Maine is so high 

1 can't come up to it, so its no use to try. 

So I'll join my fortunes with Uncle Ben Butler, • . 

As I can't be general, I'll consent to be sutler. 

It makes me mad! almost insane I 
To think I've been worsted by old Jim Blaine; 
The very thtnight cuts me to the (juick, « 

It makes my l)rain tlirob — in fact, I'm sick. 

I'm physically ill, and morally deail. 
And when on the street I hold down my head : 
I find it hai'd work, howe^ er nnich I try. 
To lo(»k an honest man sijuare in the eye. 

My mind wanders back to the days of my youth. 
Those happy days of innocence and truth ; 
Could I again my life begin, 
I'd shun the paths of folly and sin. 



PILLSBURY'S SOLILOQUY. 



How well I remember my mother's advice. 
'Gainst sinful games of cards and of dice; 
And father said, "Eben, in lionestfdeal. 
Let liquor alone, don't cheat, don't steal." 

Yet here I am in this pretty strait. 
An aider and abettor in the theft of a State. 
When mother gave me lier parting kiss. 
She little thought I would come to this. 

The democratic paity lias been my ruin ; 
There's always trouble in that party brewing: 
I'm as good as any of them, sober or drunk, 
Yet half of them shun me as they would a skunk. 

Under the circumstances, 'tis plain to see 
That the city of Augusta 's no place for me: 
I'll emigrate to a more congenial clime. 
AVhere they are not so afraid of political slime. 

To-morrow I'll dispose of the old printing pi-ess. 
Then I'll shave off my whiskers and change my dres.> 
Put on a hat large enough to cover my horns, 
And "git up and git" out of this nest of thorns. 

I suppose when I leave, the people all 
Will hang their banners on the outer wall. 
And with bands of music and blowing of horn. 
Shout hallelujah, Pillsbury's gone. 

'Tis enough to make a minister use words profane. 
To be so hgavily sit down on by old Jim Blaine, 
And to see him mounting up higher and highei'. 
And I down so low that I almost smell fire. 

Gould tho't he was doing a mighty smart thing 
When Garcelon to Augusta he back did bring. 
And made him consent to appeal to the law. 
Which resulted in my not being Sen-a tor. 

There's one thing I"ni sure of at any rate, 

We must abolish the high schools of our State. 

For it is a fact as a general rule. 

To be a good democrat, don't go to school. 



PILLSBURY'S SOLILOQUY. 



Foi' so long as we continue to educate. 
The republican party will carry the State ; 
AVhen a young man learns to read and write. 
He refuses the democratic hook to bite. 

ni now go to bed, but I know I can't sleep. 
For all sorts of hobgoblins around me will creep; 
To-mr)rrow I'll lay down the editorial pen. 
And start for Boston and see uncle Ben. 

And in future I'll follow my mother's advice 
.\ttout playing at games of cards and of dice; 
With Butler's assistance I kiU)W I shall shine. 
For he can appreciate such virtue as mine. 

I now bid farewell to the home of Jim Blaine. 
And shake from my soles the cold soil of Maine : 
I'll turn greenbacker before it's too late. 
And leave Maine democracy to its sad fate. 



When I Was a Lad. 



The second Andrew Jtickson, M. D. 



I'll sing you a .song of a iu)ted M. D., 

Whe cures people's ills in a Maine city-e; 

If you would like to see him, then take a short run 

To the smart little city of Lewiston. 

He made such a mark that he soon became 

A second Andrew Jackson, though that's not his name. 

He wanted to have a I'est from the scapel and the saw. 

So they picked him up and made him democratic Governor. 

Then he took his seat in the gul)ei'natorial chair. 

And to make him look like Jackson they brushed y\\> his hair: 

Then he said, "fir/ the eternal,'''' I will carry things sti'aight 

As long a,s I am Governor of the Pine Tree State. 

My i^arty's been in the wilderness for twenty yeais or more. 

We Avandered 'round and 'round, our feet were very sore. 

AVhen uncle Solon found us in dirt, and rags, and tears. 

And led us on to victory — thanks to Solon and his steers. 



WHEN I WAS A LAD. 



When tliis second Andrew Jackson found the time \v;is 

drawing nigh 
'I'o lay aside his official robes, and politically to die, 
"Twas then he called around him his companions in distress, 
And told them to get ready for the old wilderness. 
Said he, I had a dream last night, which did me much appall. 
And like ijnto Belchazzar, saw the handwriting on the wall ; 
If things go on in this way, in tiuth I must confess. 
We shall haye to take another trip into the wilderness. 

If we would keep in power, we must all hang together. 
And not a single soul of us must show the white feather. 
If the republicans are victorious, and put our side to rout. 
We'll let them do the voting in, we'll do the counting (Jut. 
The game '11 be rather risky, and that's a fact I'll own, 
But I'm the man to do it> for I've got the backbone. 
And ''by the great eternal,''' they cannot with nie play; 
Uncle Solon dragged me into power, and I propose to stay. 

Then he gave them all a blessing, with many sighs and tears, 
And offered adoration to Solon and his steers, 
Then buckled t>n his armoi-, and scoured his spurs up bi'ight. 
Put on his cocked hat wrong side to, and went into the fight: 
His sword got 'tangled with the law. which made him curse 

and swear; 
He felt so little Jackson-like he smoothed down his hair. 
And he no longer Jackson-like, says ''by the (jreat eternal," 
He feels, and looks, and acts, ju.-t like; a Benedict Arnold. 

Now this modern Andrew Jackson, he turned deadly pale 
When summoned to the Capitol to meet a storm of Hale : 
And to answer all the (juestions that to him might be pro- 
pounded, 
He there displayed such ignorance, the people were dumb- 
founded. 
There stood the man before them that had cut up such 

funny capers. 
And humbly said, my dear sirs, I do not read the papers: 
And as regards the counting out, (and this is no evasion.) 
I did'nt know which side was hit, republican or fusion. 

Now this is myadVicoito every smart M. D., 

Who wants the Governor of a State to be. 

Unless he has I'espect for the people and the laws. 

He'd better earn his living Avith his knife and with his saws : 

For it inattei-s not how high a man may rise. 

If he tries to hold position by base forgeiy and lies. 

The people will rise up in their majesty and their might. 

And strip off his false covering, and bury him cut (if sight. 



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